it's been ages since i've written any thoughts here. i've had so much to think about over the past month but i haven't had the inspiration to pen anything down.
i really don't know what i'm doing with my life. it's aimless, meaningless and i genuinely don't know what i'm living for. living to make people happy? or maybe to make myself think i'm happy. i feel somewhat empty and restless... don't have a care for anything.
all of my life i struggle to keep up with the needs of others. pleasing people and adhering to their whims and fancies. i have a shadow over me.. cast... sucking the living daylight... transporting me into the same time in the past. thinking about the same disappointments i've got from the men i love. the same kind that i fear so much... the same disappointment that i fear would happen again. i cannot stop caring but yet caring has taken a toll on me. why do i care so much? why do i feel like i need to care?
what is it i want? where is it i'm going?
aimless.. in circles...
nowhere
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