jester through the silent night, that nocturne dances grace and poise.
then and again, i sit there thinking about the infinite night,
where stars shine and glisten in the deep dark canvas of royal navy blue;
the stars like specks of silver dust.
moonlight glazes the icy lake with its milky gleam.
shards of winter pierce the surface, rippling through the sleet.
the ripples, oh, so calming, yet with wisdom so deep.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
the heat (frost) is on.
i must say i didn't recall london to be this frosty the same time last year. i was out the entire of yesterday and i was trying to gather any warmth i could get from my belly fat (as what Gordon would recommend me to do) to disperse to the rest of my body.
obviously it doesn't work this way.
oxford and regent street was pedestrianised yesterday and it was awesome. i enjoyed walking on the road while shopping because it's virtually impossible to squeeze thousands of people on the miserable walkways of the high street. it felt great to have that christmassy feeling all of central london although it was slightly annoying to try and get your way around the crowds especially in shops.
it was -2 yesterday and i didn't expect the weather to go below 0 so i guess i was more or less under-dressed. that explains why i'm sitting at home today trying to prevent my cold from extending into it's misdemeanor. being sick also prevented myself from burying my head into the books.
i can't wait for 15 december to come. it'd be the last day of my exams and the day that i fly back home. i wonder how it'll be like to be back home after 5 months. though not a long time but it sure felt like years ago since i left home and i miss all my family and friends and of course the food!
the hong kong trip over christmas and new year is also getting me excited since i haven't seen Gordon since forever and i haven't been in hong kong for more than 2 years. the last time i was there was after i ended my relationship of five years and nothing made me happy whatsoever. that was probably the reason why i had a 'not so good' impression on the food because i was disinterested in anything.
still,
the inter-city competition doesn't stop because it's fun! although i am not a big fan of singapore, i refuse to give in to those hong kong people who think their city is better than ours! we'd often find positives of our home country to diss each other.
now that i think about it, maybe i should let hong kong win since they're now part of the communists.
i don't want to get shot.
obviously it doesn't work this way.
oxford and regent street was pedestrianised yesterday and it was awesome. i enjoyed walking on the road while shopping because it's virtually impossible to squeeze thousands of people on the miserable walkways of the high street. it felt great to have that christmassy feeling all of central london although it was slightly annoying to try and get your way around the crowds especially in shops.
it was -2 yesterday and i didn't expect the weather to go below 0 so i guess i was more or less under-dressed. that explains why i'm sitting at home today trying to prevent my cold from extending into it's misdemeanor. being sick also prevented myself from burying my head into the books.
i can't wait for 15 december to come. it'd be the last day of my exams and the day that i fly back home. i wonder how it'll be like to be back home after 5 months. though not a long time but it sure felt like years ago since i left home and i miss all my family and friends and of course the food!
the hong kong trip over christmas and new year is also getting me excited since i haven't seen Gordon since forever and i haven't been in hong kong for more than 2 years. the last time i was there was after i ended my relationship of five years and nothing made me happy whatsoever. that was probably the reason why i had a 'not so good' impression on the food because i was disinterested in anything.
still,
the inter-city competition doesn't stop because it's fun! although i am not a big fan of singapore, i refuse to give in to those hong kong people who think their city is better than ours! we'd often find positives of our home country to diss each other.
now that i think about it, maybe i should let hong kong win since they're now part of the communists.
i don't want to get shot.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
yet another setback
it was today that i found out from my school that i have to return to london for a mentoring project meeting on the 29th of january.
that simply means that it is almost impossible (supposedly that everything is exponential) for me to stay in singapore for chinese new year. this really upsets me because of all the festivals and holidays in a year, chinese new years and christmases are at the top of my list. another thing that gets me upset is because of this i would have to cut short my stay in hk which has led myself and Gordon to be extremely disappointed. not to mention he wouldn't be able to meet my family during the cny festivities.
i can safely say that cny probably defines itself as the yearly family get-together ritual. even though a part of that ritual has crumbled with time.
ten years ago, chinese new year would consist of the very important reunion dinners on the eve of the big day and of course the actual days where we don our new clothes (yes, my mom is still adamant about upholding that tradition) and visit our elders; some, were never to be seen or heard for years and years until cny.
during the eve, i would be incredibly busy tearing myself between dad's parents and mom's parents. we'd have reunion lunch and maternal granny's; which typically consisted of steamboat (accompanied by a whole myriad of meats, seafood, vegetables and what-nots), roast and stewed duck, roast chicken, fried chicken wings and nuggets, fried rice noodles, rice, pig's stomach soup with salted vegetables and of course my gran's famous five-spice meat rolls (or so we call it 'ngoh hiang'). if that menu didn't stuff you, reunion dinner would be a sit-down dinner at paternal granny's of stir-fried prawns, roast duck and chicken, 2 kinds of vegetables, steamed fish, stewed mushroom with fatt choy (no idea what that is in english), jumbo chicken drumsticks and lotus root soup.
during chinese new year itself was the best bit as we get red packets (probably the best thing of cny). i also enjoyed visiting people a lot (no, not because the more people you visit the more red packets you get) and that festivity you get everywhere in singapore. on the second day we'd have my paternal family over at ours and all of us would spend real family time together; something that only happens once a year.
now, chinese new year still incorporates the same feast we have on the eve but to my dismal and discovery of the real truth, only the reunion lunch exists.
last year, i walked into my paternal uncle's house (where we usually have reunion dinners at) to find that only a bowl of soup and a few pieces of unwanted chicken was left for me. nobody really cared about my existence ever since my parents officially divorced. it was hard to take. i am officially stranded between two continents.
even so, i'm glad that i still have my best maternal cousins and relatives who genuinely care for me and want me to be part of the family. nothing beats my cousins who have been there for me even when i am so far away and that bond between us never did break even though we don't have constant communication.
i can only hope that i will still make it for the next chinese new year; otherwise i'd probably be unable to see my family till the end of 2011!
that simply means that it is almost impossible (supposedly that everything is exponential) for me to stay in singapore for chinese new year. this really upsets me because of all the festivals and holidays in a year, chinese new years and christmases are at the top of my list. another thing that gets me upset is because of this i would have to cut short my stay in hk which has led myself and Gordon to be extremely disappointed. not to mention he wouldn't be able to meet my family during the cny festivities.
i can safely say that cny probably defines itself as the yearly family get-together ritual. even though a part of that ritual has crumbled with time.
ten years ago, chinese new year would consist of the very important reunion dinners on the eve of the big day and of course the actual days where we don our new clothes (yes, my mom is still adamant about upholding that tradition) and visit our elders; some, were never to be seen or heard for years and years until cny.
during the eve, i would be incredibly busy tearing myself between dad's parents and mom's parents. we'd have reunion lunch and maternal granny's; which typically consisted of steamboat (accompanied by a whole myriad of meats, seafood, vegetables and what-nots), roast and stewed duck, roast chicken, fried chicken wings and nuggets, fried rice noodles, rice, pig's stomach soup with salted vegetables and of course my gran's famous five-spice meat rolls (or so we call it 'ngoh hiang'). if that menu didn't stuff you, reunion dinner would be a sit-down dinner at paternal granny's of stir-fried prawns, roast duck and chicken, 2 kinds of vegetables, steamed fish, stewed mushroom with fatt choy (no idea what that is in english), jumbo chicken drumsticks and lotus root soup.
during chinese new year itself was the best bit as we get red packets (probably the best thing of cny). i also enjoyed visiting people a lot (no, not because the more people you visit the more red packets you get) and that festivity you get everywhere in singapore. on the second day we'd have my paternal family over at ours and all of us would spend real family time together; something that only happens once a year.
now, chinese new year still incorporates the same feast we have on the eve but to my dismal and discovery of the real truth, only the reunion lunch exists.
last year, i walked into my paternal uncle's house (where we usually have reunion dinners at) to find that only a bowl of soup and a few pieces of unwanted chicken was left for me. nobody really cared about my existence ever since my parents officially divorced. it was hard to take. i am officially stranded between two continents.
even so, i'm glad that i still have my best maternal cousins and relatives who genuinely care for me and want me to be part of the family. nothing beats my cousins who have been there for me even when i am so far away and that bond between us never did break even though we don't have constant communication.
i can only hope that i will still make it for the next chinese new year; otherwise i'd probably be unable to see my family till the end of 2011!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
상어를 사랑한 인어
did i make a mistake?
maybe going for what i love was a mistake.
for some reason that scene kept running in my mind.
that faithful day somewhere in late may.
it was pouring.
we met for dinner at the pub.
dinner was our usual steaks.
he told me that he wasn't ready.
my eyes welled with tears.
everything that i knew before seem to have been blown out of proportion.
i don't think i know myself anymore.
maybe it's time for me to find myself again.
maybe this is the secret to finding sleep.
maybe going for what i love was a mistake.
for some reason that scene kept running in my mind.
that faithful day somewhere in late may.
it was pouring.
we met for dinner at the pub.
dinner was our usual steaks.
he told me that he wasn't ready.
my eyes welled with tears.
everything that i knew before seem to have been blown out of proportion.
i don't think i know myself anymore.
maybe it's time for me to find myself again.
maybe this is the secret to finding sleep.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
bitter.sweet
it's undeniable that love is such a sensitive and fragile thing. you'll never know when it would become jeopardised by the very means of your own actions.
as innocent as these actions may seem, we still have to pay a price for them.
but it's through these trials and tribulations that we discover ourselves and our other half - it being part and parcel of the growing process. every single of such events would be recorded into the relationship book and our mind takes references from them every now and then.
i have learnt and will continue the journey to knowing you.
of late i realised how much my thought process has degenerated. i'm no longer that nimble when it comes to thoughts and systematic process flows. i cannot mention how i've deteriorated since the school days where managing 8 subjects didn't seem to be that much of a stress. now it's so daunting, the prospect of having to handle 8 closely packed exams over the course of 3 weeks.
at the same time i'm battling insomnia that always comes whenever i'm feeling stressed. it's so frustrating when after 2 hours you're lying on the bed stark awake.
of course, so far i'm still surviving.
i keep thinking about how it's all going to be over in little less than 3 weeks and before i know it i would be on the red eye back to singapore. i cannot wait for that day to come.
i also cannot wait for the day that i'll see Gordon again. every night before i (try to) go to bed the scene where i see him at the arrivals and we embrace just replays in my head. over and over again. like a spoilt record.
bitter sweet torture.
as innocent as these actions may seem, we still have to pay a price for them.
but it's through these trials and tribulations that we discover ourselves and our other half - it being part and parcel of the growing process. every single of such events would be recorded into the relationship book and our mind takes references from them every now and then.
i have learnt and will continue the journey to knowing you.
of late i realised how much my thought process has degenerated. i'm no longer that nimble when it comes to thoughts and systematic process flows. i cannot mention how i've deteriorated since the school days where managing 8 subjects didn't seem to be that much of a stress. now it's so daunting, the prospect of having to handle 8 closely packed exams over the course of 3 weeks.
at the same time i'm battling insomnia that always comes whenever i'm feeling stressed. it's so frustrating when after 2 hours you're lying on the bed stark awake.
of course, so far i'm still surviving.
i keep thinking about how it's all going to be over in little less than 3 weeks and before i know it i would be on the red eye back to singapore. i cannot wait for that day to come.
i also cannot wait for the day that i'll see Gordon again. every night before i (try to) go to bed the scene where i see him at the arrivals and we embrace just replays in my head. over and over again. like a spoilt record.
bitter sweet torture.
Friday, November 19, 2010
생일 축하해!
it's a special day today for a special someone.
i'm glad it's finally here because for some reason, i'm feeling so happy even though it isn't my birthday! on the other hand, because i'm a girl i get the right to make this day my birthday too... 1 month post-birthday birthday!:)
i thought long and hard about what to give Gordon as a birthday gift. it isn't easy (trust me) especially since his hobbies are either really expensive or just plain hard to get. months before this special day, i was just brainstorming a list of items that would be suitable to give to him even though i know he'd like anything i give... and then i came up with the perfect plan.
i was gonna do a handmade scrapbook of the pictures of places that we've been and things that we did. i was sure that it would be a very special gesture.
and this was what i did:
and he loved it! (thank god)
happy birthday to you deerest Gordon:)
love you before, now and always! <3
i'm glad it's finally here because for some reason, i'm feeling so happy even though it isn't my birthday! on the other hand, because i'm a girl i get the right to make this day my birthday too... 1 month post-birthday birthday!:)
i thought long and hard about what to give Gordon as a birthday gift. it isn't easy (trust me) especially since his hobbies are either really expensive or just plain hard to get. months before this special day, i was just brainstorming a list of items that would be suitable to give to him even though i know he'd like anything i give... and then i came up with the perfect plan.
i was gonna do a handmade scrapbook of the pictures of places that we've been and things that we did. i was sure that it would be a very special gesture.
and this was what i did:
and he loved it! (thank god)
happy birthday to you deerest Gordon:)
love you before, now and always! <3
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
relationships
my latest tv craze is four weddings on living tv. it's basically an hour long programme where four brides sign up to attend each other's weddings and at the end of each wedding, score it based on venue, wedding dress, food and overall experience. it would probably be the programme to watch for a potential bride to get tips for her own wedding but on the other hand, sometimes i watch and cringe.
like seriously? some women just don't know what they are getting into.
some women chose to marry men who look like they are druggies ODed on coke whilst others look like they married a slough. i'm not an expert when it comes to relationships but i'm quite sure they will eventually regret their decision.
it's not only women who make such mistakes.
occasionally, there were men who think their wives to be such angels but they turn out to be women who hid their horns well.
of course all these analyses is possible because of the fact that i was watching these women from the outside. as they say, 旁觀者清 - and it couldn't be better said. i've been in such a relationship before. i was so in love that i couldn't see what was right or wrong for me. when the ugly truth finally revealed itself, it was too late.
and yet the sad truth is time and time again, women make this same mistake knowingly. it's not that men are such douche bags but it is another sad truth that women sometimes are just plain stupid. i've heard the same kinds of stories before and i'm sure that i will continue to hear those stories in the future.
is it so hard for us women to find the perfect man?
sometimes it isn't the perfect men we have to find but to find that common sense that all of us have inside; that is to leave the relationship when our common sense tells us so. sounds so simple but in fact, it is so hard.
well safe to say, i haven't the need to get my common senses tingling because i'm happily in an almost perfect relationship. i also choose to believe that women are starting to be the smarter species when it comes to scumbags and relationships. not to mention that men are beginning to fall prey to women.
at the end of the day, we have to accept the fact that it is getting harder and harder to be in a perfect relationship and be with the one you're truly in love with. but i still want to believe that it is (even with the increasing difficulty) a definite possibility.
like seriously? some women just don't know what they are getting into.
some women chose to marry men who look like they are druggies ODed on coke whilst others look like they married a slough. i'm not an expert when it comes to relationships but i'm quite sure they will eventually regret their decision.
it's not only women who make such mistakes.
occasionally, there were men who think their wives to be such angels but they turn out to be women who hid their horns well.
of course all these analyses is possible because of the fact that i was watching these women from the outside. as they say, 旁觀者清 - and it couldn't be better said. i've been in such a relationship before. i was so in love that i couldn't see what was right or wrong for me. when the ugly truth finally revealed itself, it was too late.
and yet the sad truth is time and time again, women make this same mistake knowingly. it's not that men are such douche bags but it is another sad truth that women sometimes are just plain stupid. i've heard the same kinds of stories before and i'm sure that i will continue to hear those stories in the future.
is it so hard for us women to find the perfect man?
sometimes it isn't the perfect men we have to find but to find that common sense that all of us have inside; that is to leave the relationship when our common sense tells us so. sounds so simple but in fact, it is so hard.
well safe to say, i haven't the need to get my common senses tingling because i'm happily in an almost perfect relationship. i also choose to believe that women are starting to be the smarter species when it comes to scumbags and relationships. not to mention that men are beginning to fall prey to women.
at the end of the day, we have to accept the fact that it is getting harder and harder to be in a perfect relationship and be with the one you're truly in love with. but i still want to believe that it is (even with the increasing difficulty) a definite possibility.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
fireworks
there was the annual lord mayor's show on saturday.
it is a historical event that dates back some 800 years ago, where the newly elected mayor had to show himself to the public and thus, journey up river from the city to westminster. through this journey, the mayor had to weather different predicaments such as fires, wars and insurrections. over the years, the mayor's journey became so splendid that it was known as the Lord Mayor's show.
i got up pretty late on saturday because of the messed up body clock of mine. now that i've started studying i have reverted to the studying timing; which is sleeping really really late and waking really really late too. i decided that i wanted to get some stuff from covent garden and wasn't too keen on topping up my oyster card so i resorted to taking one of those boris bikes. the best thing was that because of the parade procession happening through the city, the route that i was supposed to take was closed to all vehicles and before i knew it, i was cycling through the empty city streets of london.
it was exceptionally crowded at covent garden due to the event that was going on throughout the day, not to mention that it was a saturday. i fought my way through the crowds to search for the shop that sold what i wanted to get. before long, my legs brought me to chinatown where i took a walk through the hustle and bustle of it all. sheryl then called me to ask if i was interested to join her for fireworks. my original plan was to walk to millenium bridge to catch the fireworks by myself. i eventually succumbed to her invitation.
we met up with james and walked to waterloo bridge. needless to say, much of the bridge was packed with people who were early and managed to grab a superb view from the bridge as the fireworks were going to be set off from a barge off the thames. we didn't have a choice but to stand behind the sea of heads because we barely made it before the show started.
naturally, i was feeling kinda awful because sheryl had james with her but they tried their best to make me feel that i wasn't left out. of course, it didn't really help and i couldn't stop thinking about Gordon and how nice it would be if we 2 couples could be watching the fireworks together. incidentally, there was an empty spot next to me... and it felt like he was standing there beside me.
as thoughts ran through my mind, the fireworks began its deafening explosion into the night sky. the beautiful array of green, red, white and gold sparks filled the sky. in an instant, there was a flurry of brightness and before you know it, it dissolved into the night.
watching the sky fill itself with that spectacle, i couldn't help but be touched by the beautiful sight. some part of me felt sad... i was overwhelmed by that sense of longing deep down inside.
i felt that familiar sensation roll down my right cheek.
as i was overcome with emotion, sheryl turned to me and said "eh, happy national day la!"
i couldn't help but laugh.
it is a historical event that dates back some 800 years ago, where the newly elected mayor had to show himself to the public and thus, journey up river from the city to westminster. through this journey, the mayor had to weather different predicaments such as fires, wars and insurrections. over the years, the mayor's journey became so splendid that it was known as the Lord Mayor's show.
i got up pretty late on saturday because of the messed up body clock of mine. now that i've started studying i have reverted to the studying timing; which is sleeping really really late and waking really really late too. i decided that i wanted to get some stuff from covent garden and wasn't too keen on topping up my oyster card so i resorted to taking one of those boris bikes. the best thing was that because of the parade procession happening through the city, the route that i was supposed to take was closed to all vehicles and before i knew it, i was cycling through the empty city streets of london.
it was exceptionally crowded at covent garden due to the event that was going on throughout the day, not to mention that it was a saturday. i fought my way through the crowds to search for the shop that sold what i wanted to get. before long, my legs brought me to chinatown where i took a walk through the hustle and bustle of it all. sheryl then called me to ask if i was interested to join her for fireworks. my original plan was to walk to millenium bridge to catch the fireworks by myself. i eventually succumbed to her invitation.
we met up with james and walked to waterloo bridge. needless to say, much of the bridge was packed with people who were early and managed to grab a superb view from the bridge as the fireworks were going to be set off from a barge off the thames. we didn't have a choice but to stand behind the sea of heads because we barely made it before the show started.
naturally, i was feeling kinda awful because sheryl had james with her but they tried their best to make me feel that i wasn't left out. of course, it didn't really help and i couldn't stop thinking about Gordon and how nice it would be if we 2 couples could be watching the fireworks together. incidentally, there was an empty spot next to me... and it felt like he was standing there beside me.
as thoughts ran through my mind, the fireworks began its deafening explosion into the night sky. the beautiful array of green, red, white and gold sparks filled the sky. in an instant, there was a flurry of brightness and before you know it, it dissolved into the night.
watching the sky fill itself with that spectacle, i couldn't help but be touched by the beautiful sight. some part of me felt sad... i was overwhelmed by that sense of longing deep down inside.
i felt that familiar sensation roll down my right cheek.
as i was overcome with emotion, sheryl turned to me and said "eh, happy national day la!"
i couldn't help but laugh.
Friday, November 12, 2010
happiness is just a video call away.
i cannot imagine what i'll do if there wasn't such thing as skype.
if i had an opportunity, i'd seize it to endorse the brand. i'd do everything skype. talk skype, walk skype, eat skype, sleep skype.
(not sure how i'd do that though)
having a video call is probably the happiest thing that could occur to me in a day. i love how we'd show each other stuff that we've just bought or things we want each other to see. it's also nice to look at him when he's talking.. because i've always loved to look at him, so animated and so full of life.
of course, nothing could make me miss him less!
i am enjoying have the house to myself. it's been almost 1.5 weeks since my housemate left and i'm happy messing up the house without needing to clean up immediately. i'm also loving how i can have the tv all to myself and record my tv programmes as and when i want. i guess this happiness won't last for long cos she's gonna be back on the 22nd of this month (bummer!) but the good thing is that i'm leaving for singapore soon after she returns. it's all gonna be good! moreover she's starting her job (which means she's having lesser time at home unlike NOW) and i'll be at home a lot of the time.
anyway... i'm counting down the days to when i'll see my Gordon again! *ecstatic*
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
if i had an opportunity, i'd seize it to endorse the brand. i'd do everything skype. talk skype, walk skype, eat skype, sleep skype.
(not sure how i'd do that though)
having a video call is probably the happiest thing that could occur to me in a day. i love how we'd show each other stuff that we've just bought or things we want each other to see. it's also nice to look at him when he's talking.. because i've always loved to look at him, so animated and so full of life.
of course, nothing could make me miss him less!
i am enjoying have the house to myself. it's been almost 1.5 weeks since my housemate left and i'm happy messing up the house without needing to clean up immediately. i'm also loving how i can have the tv all to myself and record my tv programmes as and when i want. i guess this happiness won't last for long cos she's gonna be back on the 22nd of this month (bummer!) but the good thing is that i'm leaving for singapore soon after she returns. it's all gonna be good! moreover she's starting her job (which means she's having lesser time at home unlike NOW) and i'll be at home a lot of the time.
anyway... i'm counting down the days to when i'll see my Gordon again! *ecstatic*
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
missing.
it's been almost 2 months since we've been apart. i can't stop to think about how i managed to live my life the past 2 months without him by my side. kinda feels like half of me had been displaced and i just can't seem to get that part of me back.
long distance relationship is such a bitch.
not to mention daylight savings just made our clocks go back by 1 hour and it seems like things got a whole lot more complicated with just an extra hour of time difference.
on the other hand, i'm glad that he's been adjusting well back home. nothing beats knowing that he's not feeling as awful as i am constantly feeling, even though i am just starting to get used to this.
as i was talking to sheryl last night over a cosy sofa dinner, she told me how her friend (who's in a ldr as well) would describe every single parting from her boyfriend was even harder than the previous. i wouldn't be surprised if it's really true. nevertheless, i'm still so looking forward to seeing him again after what would potentially be 3 months apart. of course, it'll be worse next year because we'll probably see each other only 6 months later.
it's funny how i tried to tell myself to cherish him more when he was still by my side and i tried my best to but it seems that it wasn't enough. i'm beginning to forget how it feels to have my hands held by him, his smell is starting to fade and even the memory of his warm touch seems to be diminishing as the times go by.
i don't want to forget; but my brain isn't helping me...
on the other hand,
i am having it better than others. at least we've got plans for our future (or at least i think i make those plans?) and all i have to do is to hang in there for the next year or so and we've got everything going for us. it's things like these that keeps me going every single day. i live to fight this battle.
losing is not an option
on a separate note;
i have been starting this rigorous exercise regiment that is starting to take a toll on my body because i've been feeling really tired even though exercise is supposed to make you feel more energetic. maybe it's because i haven't been exercising for the past month and it'll probably take awhile for my body to adjust the sudden influx of strenuous activities. i have been making a point to spend at least 2 hours in the gym daily and trying to cut down on the sugary items that have always been my weakest link. although i don't really have much time left to lose weight before december, i'm quite confident that if i keep this up, i would be able to shed a decent amount of weight.
in addition to the exercise regiment, i've been trying to establish another obligatory regiment: studying. as hard as it seems, i've been making some (slow) progress which is increasing my confidence for the first paper that's coming up on the 16th. of course the papers in november aren't THAT important, it is still important for me that i get really good grades to make sure i keep my degree at 2:1 and above. this is another battle i'm living to fight.
so many battles in life!
everyone has their fair share of battles and we live to fight them.
if we just persevere, we'll gain victory in every single one.
i'm confident that i will be victorious. moreover, my name says it all.
long distance relationship is such a bitch.
not to mention daylight savings just made our clocks go back by 1 hour and it seems like things got a whole lot more complicated with just an extra hour of time difference.
on the other hand, i'm glad that he's been adjusting well back home. nothing beats knowing that he's not feeling as awful as i am constantly feeling, even though i am just starting to get used to this.
as i was talking to sheryl last night over a cosy sofa dinner, she told me how her friend (who's in a ldr as well) would describe every single parting from her boyfriend was even harder than the previous. i wouldn't be surprised if it's really true. nevertheless, i'm still so looking forward to seeing him again after what would potentially be 3 months apart. of course, it'll be worse next year because we'll probably see each other only 6 months later.
it's funny how i tried to tell myself to cherish him more when he was still by my side and i tried my best to but it seems that it wasn't enough. i'm beginning to forget how it feels to have my hands held by him, his smell is starting to fade and even the memory of his warm touch seems to be diminishing as the times go by.
i don't want to forget; but my brain isn't helping me...
on the other hand,
i am having it better than others. at least we've got plans for our future (or at least i think i make those plans?) and all i have to do is to hang in there for the next year or so and we've got everything going for us. it's things like these that keeps me going every single day. i live to fight this battle.
losing is not an option
on a separate note;
i have been starting this rigorous exercise regiment that is starting to take a toll on my body because i've been feeling really tired even though exercise is supposed to make you feel more energetic. maybe it's because i haven't been exercising for the past month and it'll probably take awhile for my body to adjust the sudden influx of strenuous activities. i have been making a point to spend at least 2 hours in the gym daily and trying to cut down on the sugary items that have always been my weakest link. although i don't really have much time left to lose weight before december, i'm quite confident that if i keep this up, i would be able to shed a decent amount of weight.
in addition to the exercise regiment, i've been trying to establish another obligatory regiment: studying. as hard as it seems, i've been making some (slow) progress which is increasing my confidence for the first paper that's coming up on the 16th. of course the papers in november aren't THAT important, it is still important for me that i get really good grades to make sure i keep my degree at 2:1 and above. this is another battle i'm living to fight.
so many battles in life!
everyone has their fair share of battles and we live to fight them.
if we just persevere, we'll gain victory in every single one.
i'm confident that i will be victorious. moreover, my name says it all.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
i dreamed a dream
i dreamed a dream in time gone by
when hope was high and life worth living
i dreamed that love would never die
i dreamed that God would be forgiving
then I was young and unafraid
when dreams were made and used and wasted.
there was no ransom to be paid
no song unsung, no wine untasted.
he slept a summer by my side
he filled my days with endless wonder
he took my childhood in his stride
but he was gone when autumn came.
and still i dream he'll come to me
that we will live the years together
but there are dreams that cannot be
and there are storms we cannot weather
while i stay here all alone
i keep that dream burning alive
where you'll be here when storms arrive
and we will weather them together
no matter how hard life would be
just know that our dreams will be fulfilled
together we can make them happen
and live the years your hand in mine.
when hope was high and life worth living
i dreamed that love would never die
i dreamed that God would be forgiving
then I was young and unafraid
when dreams were made and used and wasted.
there was no ransom to be paid
no song unsung, no wine untasted.
he slept a summer by my side
he filled my days with endless wonder
he took my childhood in his stride
but he was gone when autumn came.
and still i dream he'll come to me
that we will live the years together
but there are dreams that cannot be
and there are storms we cannot weather
while i stay here all alone
i keep that dream burning alive
where you'll be here when storms arrive
and we will weather them together
no matter how hard life would be
just know that our dreams will be fulfilled
together we can make them happen
and live the years your hand in mine.
Monday, November 1, 2010
advent of winter.
it's unbelievable what difference a day makes.
yesterday, london had experienced dusk at a little under 6pm. today, as i was walking home from school at half 4, it was turning dark.
it is the advent of winter and as steady as it looks, it's on its way.
this is the time of year where every part of this world i live in is having shorter days and longer nights. it is also the time of year where the unforgiving icy winds sweep through the country and all in its way.
nostalgia winds me up as i ponder back to the time where i was right where i am but never expecting to be doing what 2010 has brought me to do. 1 year ago i arrived in heathrow airport for the first time in my life and getting around the ever so 'efficient' tube system of london was an absolute nightmare. it was also this time 1 year ago where i met friends whom i never thought would be one of the most important people in my life.
i also thought about how the past year had been my journey through strange twists of fate. if it weren't for all these people and how our walks of life met, i wouldn't have met Gordon, whom is someone i share my emotions with, someone i love, my best friend and everything more.
walking through the high streets of holborn today, i began to appreciate the idea of winter; it is a time where everything goes into hibernation, life hides away in the warmth of comfort, away from the hostile and brutal weather. it is also a time where things come to an end and awaits a new start, how we start the concluding pages to the end of our yearbooks. i've never seen winter in such a meaningful way (not to mention for the last 20 years of my life i've been living in a tropical island) because of how depressing winter always seems.
where there is a start, there's always an end.
as much as i wish for spring to make its debut in the new year, i'd like to revel in the chills of winter -- as unpleasant as it might sound.
yesterday, london had experienced dusk at a little under 6pm. today, as i was walking home from school at half 4, it was turning dark.
it is the advent of winter and as steady as it looks, it's on its way.
this is the time of year where every part of this world i live in is having shorter days and longer nights. it is also the time of year where the unforgiving icy winds sweep through the country and all in its way.
nostalgia winds me up as i ponder back to the time where i was right where i am but never expecting to be doing what 2010 has brought me to do. 1 year ago i arrived in heathrow airport for the first time in my life and getting around the ever so 'efficient' tube system of london was an absolute nightmare. it was also this time 1 year ago where i met friends whom i never thought would be one of the most important people in my life.
i also thought about how the past year had been my journey through strange twists of fate. if it weren't for all these people and how our walks of life met, i wouldn't have met Gordon, whom is someone i share my emotions with, someone i love, my best friend and everything more.
walking through the high streets of holborn today, i began to appreciate the idea of winter; it is a time where everything goes into hibernation, life hides away in the warmth of comfort, away from the hostile and brutal weather. it is also a time where things come to an end and awaits a new start, how we start the concluding pages to the end of our yearbooks. i've never seen winter in such a meaningful way (not to mention for the last 20 years of my life i've been living in a tropical island) because of how depressing winter always seems.
where there is a start, there's always an end.
as much as i wish for spring to make its debut in the new year, i'd like to revel in the chills of winter -- as unpleasant as it might sound.
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