yet another setback

it was today that i found out from my school that i have to return to london for a mentoring project meeting on the 29th of january.

that simply means that it is almost impossible (supposedly that everything is exponential) for me to stay in singapore for chinese new year. this really upsets me because of all the festivals and holidays in a year, chinese new years and christmases are at the top of my list. another thing that gets me upset is because of this i would have to cut short my stay in hk which has led myself and Gordon to be extremely disappointed. not to mention he wouldn't be able to meet my family during the cny festivities.

i can safely say that cny probably defines itself as the yearly family get-together ritual. even though a part of that ritual has crumbled with time.

ten years ago, chinese new year would consist of the very important reunion dinners on the eve of the big day and of course the actual days where we don our new clothes (yes, my mom is still adamant about upholding that tradition) and visit our elders; some, were never to be seen or heard for years and years until cny.
during the eve, i would be incredibly busy tearing myself between dad's parents and mom's parents. we'd have reunion lunch and maternal granny's; which typically consisted of steamboat (accompanied by a whole myriad of meats, seafood, vegetables and what-nots), roast and stewed duck, roast chicken, fried chicken wings and nuggets, fried rice noodles, rice, pig's stomach soup with salted vegetables and of course my gran's famous five-spice meat rolls (or so we call it 'ngoh hiang'). if that menu didn't stuff you, reunion dinner would be a sit-down dinner at paternal granny's of stir-fried prawns, roast duck and chicken, 2 kinds of vegetables, steamed fish, stewed mushroom with fatt choy (no idea what that is in english), jumbo chicken drumsticks and lotus root soup.
during chinese new year itself was the best bit as we get red packets (probably the best thing of cny). i also enjoyed visiting people a lot (no, not because the more people you visit the more red packets you get) and that festivity you get everywhere in singapore. on the second day we'd have my paternal family over at ours and all of us would spend real family time together; something that only happens once a year.

now, chinese new year still incorporates the same feast we have on the eve but to my dismal and discovery of the real truth, only the reunion lunch exists.
last year, i walked into my paternal uncle's house (where we usually have reunion dinners at) to find that only a bowl of soup and a few pieces of unwanted chicken was left for me. nobody really cared about my existence ever since my parents officially divorced. it was hard to take. i am officially stranded between two continents.

even so, i'm glad that i still have my best maternal cousins and relatives who genuinely care for me and want me to be part of the family. nothing beats my cousins who have been there for me even when i am so far away and that bond between us never did break even though we don't have constant communication.

i can only hope that i will still make it for the next chinese new year; otherwise i'd probably be unable to see my family till the end of 2011!