the right decision

what is the right decision? i thought i knew but now i don't think i know that much anymore.

maybe i was misled... it seems that the plans that i've made in my head have gone down the drain. i'm not sure if i want to move to hong kong so soon anymore, not because i don't want to be reunited with him soon but whether or not it is a feasible plan. i am seriously not rushing anyone or anything, but it has become that i would only have a solid foot on the ground 5 years from now. it came as a shock to me because i never expected to only be anchoring at 30.

then comes the question of going to hong kong. do i really want to move to a place where i have no friends and no family there for me and be living my adult life, still sharing an apartment with some random people for the next 4 years or so? it's like i have no sense of security whatsoever, like an alien in a foreign place and struggling to find myself a well paying job to keep up with the rent; all this happening while he lives in the comfort of his own home with his parents.

then again i really want to have a conventional relationship and stop all this long distance nonsense -- something i can't do if i decide to work in singapore. i really want to be able to spend quality time with him and get to know each other even more than we think we do. but it would mean i have to wait for the next 5 years, while trying to stay afloat, for him to marry me.

why is it that we can't have a plan that we both work towards that would suit each other's needs and preferences, instead of issuing an ultimatum and expecting me to follow?

what can i do? what can i say? i guess i have to wait then, since he means more than anything in the world to me.