try harder

i realised that i haven't been trying hard enough in all aspects of my life.

i haven't been trying the hardest to be the best girlfriend in the world. maybe it's because i have been the only child so i expect things to always go my way. but as harsh as reality is, life does not work this way. and many a times i have failed to understand the logic of this so whenever things don't go my way or if i don't get what i want, i have an emotional meltdown and the feeling there and then is something so intense that it would just devour me from the inside.
that's when i realised that Gordon has been that self-sacrificing person; bearing the the brunt of every emotional meltdown that i face for however long we've been together. it's also today that i discovered how much sense he actually makes and in every single situation he is in the most objective of positions. i feel like i am almost always like a child when i don't get things my way and after i get past the tears and fits... i look at myself and see how stupid i was.
these couple of months i have been feeling frequently depressed for no rhyme or reason and for this i feel i've failed him. he's been incredibly understanding, conforming to my every whim while i am just putting on airs all the time. i have to be a better girlfriend!

another thing i haven't been trying the hardest is to lose weight. to be honest after 1.5 months of gyming i am still 1kg shy of going back to my original weight because i had put on so much weight whilst being in Hong Kong. now i feel like i've arrived at the plateau of weight-loss and it's driving me crazy. i have been keeping a conscious effort to cut down on my favourite sweets and i resist the temptations to buy sugar-loaded food. this is a big deal to me because sweets have always been my weakest point and trying to have no sweets at all in a day is as good as putting me on cold turkey. unfortunately even with my strict diet of totally no meat and no carbs at night, i've only managed to lose 3.5kg and it's stopped. even 4-5 times of gym sessions in a week doesn't really help at all now... i'm starting to lose confidence in myself and i have the feeling to want to give up.
but i'm not trying harder!
i need to spend more time in the gym and hopefully visit the gym everyday even though i feel exhausted sometimes. i cannot be lazy and slack off otherwise everything that i've done would be going down the drain!

whatever it is, i have to try harder! that's what life is all about!