maryanne.

dearest sister,

how have you been?

it's been 19 years since you left and i've been trying to bury you into the deep possibilities of my mind; and it worked. i forgot that on this faithful day, you abandoned mom, dad and i to go to some place better than this world.

i'm sure you're seeing all that have happened from up above. not sure how you feel about this... but it would have been better if you'd been here going through all of this with me. in fact, all of this wouldn't have happened if you were still here with us.

i know it isn't your fault,

but i cannot imagine how i survived the past 19 years of my life in that deep depression. that hole that i was in and nobody was there to save me. the things that i've witnessed going on in the family whether it was happening with mom and dad or the rest of the folks that i had been living with.

maryanne, i hope you know how much it hurts to see mom and dad break up.

i wish that it had never happened and during the final years of their marriage, i was secretly hoping that they would get back together like before; but they never did. to be honest i had seen all of this coming for the last (god knows how many) years but i just can't let go of it.

you understand how i'm feeling right?

i'd give everything i have now to have you back here with me, and for mom and dad to get back together. i'd do anything in the best of hypocrisies to have wholeness in life-- something which i can never fill ever again, no matter how happy i am now.

regardless, please continue to watch over mom and dad and be that guiding angel that i know you've always been.

i miss you dearest sister. you know that i will always be the sister that loves you no matter what happens.

there will be that time where we'll do things together like all sisters do.