it's moments like these.

now i really understand the meaning of autumn in london.

it goes hysterically windy and the temperature never gets past 14 degrees. not to mention that never ending rain that keeps coming down on this grey and gloomy city. like as if london isn't any gloomier.

it's another one of those stay home days for me. besides making my way to liverpool street to get the ever so common groceries, i've been cooped up at home like a mother hen that's ready to lay her eggs-- the only difference is that i haven't got any eggs to lay (i don't lay eggs btw) and my thigh's swollen like an overstuffed turkey that's ready to explode.

i can only blame myself for this predicament. this injury of mine has rendered me useless for the next week or so and i haven't even got the opportunity to carry out my daily routine of walking to and from school. i find myself stuck with the miserable commuters of london every morning, falling prey to the despicably useless transportation of london, totally incapable of making it to destinations on time. what's more, this injury has ruined my weight-loss plans and has incapacitated my ability to go for netball and my favourite gym classes.

how miserable that must sound to you.

that truly is, following the fact that tv in this city is pretty much crap even though i have over 600 channels on my cable tv.

it's moments like these that make you sit down to melodramatic songs while the rain pours outside, wondering about the mysterious secrets to life. it's a deadly concoction of fear and uncertainty that makes you ponder about what are all human beings made to do in this world and what are we poised to achieve. is it that mundane cycle of coming into this world, growing up to find ourselves studying for almost half of our lifetimes and then working till we become nothing but ashes to earth? or is it some kind of message from the divine power that transcends to us that we must fulfill some kind of goal while we live our lives to the fullest?

if that's the case, what is that goal that i have to fulfill?

this really baffles me.

at the end of the day when we arrive at the finish line, do we get a gold star for everything we've done right and reprimanding for every single detail we messed up?

even so, what is the meaning to this?

would we really attain true happiness if we knew for a fact that if we did everything right (also depending on personal discretion as to what is really right)? who is it to tell us if we've done it correctly?

questions questions questions.

who can give me the real answer?